Having not had children, I don't know how to monitor or control internet usage.
I think that the 'city' analogy is pretty acurate though. If you treat the internet like it is a city, and your child is wandering the streets, you need to have someone protecting them until a certain age. But then, as they become teenagers, they can walk around the city, fully aware of the dangers, and smart enough to be in the city by themselves.
At an early age, methods as basic as having the home computer in a visable place, limiting and recording website access, will reduce potential dangers. Trusting your children to do the right thing outside of the family home when using the internet is no different to the trust with other aspects of life.
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But Tom, you have been a teenager in the not too distant past.
ReplyDeleteHaving kids who are now adults and from confiding in other parents during the "hard times", I have come to view that experimentation is part of normal growing up; rebelling against parents values is needed to develop one's own identity, as is exploring/finding out about sexuality including bizarre sexual acts. I'd say to parents, trust that your children at times will not to do the 'right' thing. At times you will dislike (yes, even hate) your kids for their behaviour, because it is not what you value ot taught them. Don't over react when you find out that they have been doing "wrong things". Have a life yourself to avoid being driven insane. Trust that even with all their transgressions, they will turn our alright -remember the things that you got up to as a teenager. Do you really want your kids to turn out like you?
Computer placed where it is visible? Dream on. Most parents are still at work when their kids get home from school. Unless you are willing to be in the house 24/7 to watch over them or do a history check on internet websites visited, what is the point? Can you recall how it felt to have parents invade your privacy?
I think parents are better off looking for behavioural signs such as children withdrawing, not socialising, or not being accountable for there wherabouts. Know who they are hanging out with, and keep your kids accountable by asking questions, such as who are you talking to on the net?
I agree with you Averil, I definitely think my kids would benefit from exploring the internet privately. I just kind of hope 'Steph" or 'Sam', my imaginary kids, find out in their twenties that they like horses in that 'special' way.
ReplyDeleteI was considering putting the home computer in our living room, which judging by the spiraling cost of housing in Perth and the distinct possibility of my family living off just a teachers salary (my thai wife skipped town with my brother), the living room will also double as their bedroom, my bedroom, our kitchen and our garage. Things will be tight, so I doubt we'll be able to afford a both a computer AND internet connection. So I'll decide to buy only a computer and a really, really long extension cord. We'll go walking at night, around the suburbs, looking for unsecured internet connections. That way we not only save money, but I am walking the streets with them with the computer, and I can see what sites they are looking out for. Supervision and exercise. It'll be like Scout Camp, but better because no one will get burnt (on the flip side we might be quite hungry).
(As an asside, if you come across 400metres of extension cord on your next evening walk, please ignore it, the Colebatch family are off on another one of their 'walks'. You're welcome to join us. Maybe you can carry a printer.).
If my children start withdrawing, being awkward around strangers and not socialising, I will be absolutely delighted that they've taken after their father. Finally I will have some company, someone to cry with, you know, why be down when you can be down with others.
That might be our family motto. We'll have you round for dinner.
BYO food.
Tom, the city metaphor is a good one and makes a lot of sense.
ReplyDeleteAveril, you've posted some very wise advice! Incidentally, research studies strongly back up your point about kids really resenting adult encroachment on their 'private' lives, especially as they get older. That's part of what Henry Jenkins meant in the quote we looked at the other day, when he suggested kids don't need adults snooping over their shoulders, but they DO need them watching their backs ... It's sometimes a fine distinction, of course, especially with younger kids.
There's another reason why the 'home' computer in the living room is less viable: we are moving towards multiple mobile computers and wireless networks.
ReplyDeleteGood point about mobile technology, Simon.
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about the comparison with kids playing outside. Trouble is, on the Net there's no telling which Granny is a big bad wolf, and there's no red light outside the door to warn you it's a brothel - not even signs you are entering an unsavoury district, you just click the wrong place and get dumped in the foyer.
ReplyDeleteEven worse, someone can follow you back and watch everything you type.
I think that the early years of primary school are a bit young for that. When my kids were that age, I was teaching them to lock their windows before we went out, so that no "Goldilocks" could steal or break their stuff. I don't want them more worried than that - I liked the way they explored the world optimistically. I strongly believe in fully supervised internet access for juniors.
I was surprised that a year 5 pointed at one of the side-ads in Google as "a good site to look at". Another reminder of the amount of training they need. Maybe the Government could use the "Internet Monitoring" project money to set up "Learners' Permits" and "InfoSuperhighway Driving Licences", with specific simulated situations and live testing in difficult areas:
no unsupervised online computing until you pass the test.
The thing about paranoia is, they may actually be out to get you.